For those of you who read my previous post where the premise of it all was basically that not all men are trash. I continued to touch on the fact that you attract what you present, your bad experiences should not create unfair generalisations and instead of focusing on looking for a man which then usually results in you finding something you wish you didn’t find. You should focus on bettering yourself.
Well, that is a summary of that post. Now, we are moving on to avoiding a trashy minded male. So let me give you a quick disclaimer. I am not a relationship guru. I haven’t been interested in relationships for a long time. (If you want to know why, let me know). But as always, I digress. Eventhough I am not a guru, I am around people who are and I also continue to educate myself for the future.
So first thing first:
Pray. Girl, pray!!
Now I know that not all of the readers of Abi’s Take are necessarily Christian. But I am not talking about blasting in tongues. I am talking about having a conversation with a powerful being. Let’s be real, whether you believe in God or not, what do you have to lose? But to my fellow Christians, prayer is the first step. Yes, you may find him attractive. He may tick your boxes personality wise and you may see something with him. However, you have to find out if God wants you to be with him. Due to the fact that, God loves you too much to give you a man that will have a trashy mentality. Don’t say yes when God says no then cry in anger to God when you finally see the guy’s true colours.
Secondly, they say that if someone shows you their true colours, believe them. And it is so true. There are always alarm bells. You should not ignore them or try to provide an explanation for certain behaviour that is unacceptable. I say this because, some people ignore trashy behaviour because they think that they can change them or time will change them. As a result, they remain in the relationship until marriage thinking the change will appear but instead it continues to accelerate and intensify. At this point. It is too late.
You cannot change someone unless they are ready to change. And it’s unfair of us to rush somebody’ growth and learning process just because we are ready. Everyone has a right to grow at whatever pace they choose. Therefore, if you know that the male you are interested in is not ready for committment. Leave him and don’t try to change him because the change is only temporary and he will revert back when it matters the most (in marriage).
Write a list
Another great thing to do is write a list of what you want your husband to be like. Not necessarily his appearance but more his character and his personality.
Now recently, I was watching a YouTube video and somebody said that ‘love’ is only truly defined by 1Corinthians. (If you haven’t had a read, go and have a look) And they went on to say that if your significant other is truly the epitome of love. When you place their name in the place of love within that scripture it should be accurate. So is he patient or does he get angry at the slightest things? Or is he trustworthy? Is he kind? Is he arrogant or is he humble?
This is a great way to avoid a trashy minded male because if he conflicts or contradicts the characteristics you are looking for aswell as the definition of love in accordance to the Bible. Then you have a head start. To ruuuuuun! Don’t settle for less and then expect more than you bargained for.
Ask for help
Finally, if all of these options fail and they do not help you. Ask for help. I hate doing this but sometimes you need to put your ego aside and just do it. Whether it be a family member, a friend. Bring him around more and let them see for themselves. Sometimes love can make you blind and dumb. As a result, you need some objective minds to wake you up and be real with you.
I’m going to end this post with something my dad use to always say to me. “The beautiful ones are yet to be born“. Now, before you go there he isn’t promoting being a cougar!
Basically, be patient and don’t be discouraged throughout your season of singleness. For instance, there is this misconception that all the good ones are taken but don’t worry about that. Who you deserve will come along. And to my brothers this post is for you too. I just had to kill the actual phenomenon of ‘Men are trash’.
Stay blessed, stay tuned and stay connected.
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